I'm sure what I said last week didn't sit well with you, but things have not gotten much better with me here this week. I have always struggled with the concept of self-esteem. I take my successes too lightly and my failures too heavily, so regardless of what goes right, I still almost constantly feel wrong. This sadness seems to disappear when I'm working, but when it's done, it doesn't take long for it to return. This depression sucks. I wish I could be happy with myself, but the attitude of the other missionaries and how my view is such a minority only convinces me I'm wrong.
Things are starting to look up in the area. We now have two investigators with baptism dates in September. One clearly has some kind of mental disability, but I don't think we will need to make any exceptions for him, although we have to teach the lessons to him twice so he remembers them all. The other is actually on parole, but he can be difficult to meet with since his schedule only allows to meet with him on Sundays. Also, he has quit his addiction with at least four types of drugs in the past six months, so hopefully that helps him with any other challenges he has. We met an 18-year-old girl who seemed very solid after the first lesson, but we passed her on to the missionaries in the YSA stake. On Saturday, we even helped installed a window for an immigrant from Laos, who isn't an investigator, but always see working outside doing projects such as building a cinder-block wall and repouring the concrete on his driveway. Still, we're mostly working with recent converts and ward mission leaders in helping them develop a ward mission plan. The Temple Square lesson failed again (cancelled when we were at Courthouse Station), and Elder Clive decided to drop that investigator as no progress has been made in the last two months with her. Overall, we seem to be laying groundwork for future missionaries to continue building.
Elder Clive leaves for Brazil tomorrow, so I will meet his replacement tomorrow. A week from Wednesday, I am leaving Kearns for somewhere else. A member dining at Panda Express did buy lunch for four companionships, including me and Elder Clive. Chick-Fil-A also gives a 50% discount for missionaries and the dry-cleaners a 10% (Took a suit in to clean some sludge off the pants).
In terms of teaching Nolan to drive, have him pull the clutch out to the sweet spot and push it back in probably about 30 times before actually starting to move. The truck seems like a good vehicle to start with because of the wide sweet spot, then progress to the Prizm, and finally the Outback. Take him driving frequently as he needs 40 hours behind the wheel before he can get his licence.
And here's a recipe we had for dinner one evening, served by a local bishop's wife. This recipe comes directly from her cookbook (I asked for the recipe and she photocopied the page. Yes, it was that good).
Chicken & Swiss Bake
12 Rhodes Dinner rolls at room temperature (or your dinner rolls at a similar size)
1/2 cup of mayonnaise
1 tbs minced fresh parsley
2 tsps prepared mustard
2 tsps finely chopped onion
2 cups cubed cooked chicken breast
6 bacon strips cooked & crumbled
1 cup grated Swiss cheese
"Spray counter lightly with non-stick cooking spray. Combine rolls together and roll into a 12x15-inch rectangle. Cover with plastic wrap and let rest. In a large bowl, combine mayonnaise, parsley, mustard, and onion. Stir in the chicken, bacon, and cheese.
"Remove wrap and spread filling evenly over dough. Starting with a short side, roll up tightly. Pinch edges to seal. Join ends to form a ring and place seam side down on a sprayed baking sheet. With knife or scissors, make cuts nearly to the center of ring 1 1/2 to 2-inches apart. Turn each slice on its side, resting on the adjoining slice. Cover with sprayed plastic wrap and let rise 15-20 minutes. Remove wrap and bake at 375 degrees F for 20-25 minutes or until golden brown."
That storm on Thursday looked spectacular from Kearns. The sun was setting at this time, so the clouds were these radiant shades of orange and yellow ascending miles into the evening sky.
As always, even with this alleged depression, the times I'm most satisfied out here are when I'm working. Looking for others and helping them just makes me forget my troubles for the moment and possibly gives me possibly one of many answers as to why I thought serving a mission was the right thing to do. I'm reminded of the peace I feel when helping others and dumping my troubles at the door.
As always, send my greeting to all who'd like to hear them.
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